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like christmas (demo)

by loud letters

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lyrics

we had an early snowfall
i drove through it for hours
with the truckers trying to get home
and the full car out-of-towners
i walk in kicking snow from my shoes
dad's setting up the train
that i unwrapped in the basement
when i was four on Christmas Day
the little figurines stuck smiling
skating on a pond of ice
but this year i can't match their cheer
and i can't figure out why

this doesn't feel like christmas
at least not to me
sparkling lights are everywhere
stop-motion classics on tv
my brain's on autopilot
as i decorate the tree
yeah i know it's almost christmas
but there's just something
missing

the only ornaments i hang
are the ones i made with my mom
sleeping teddy bears in a walnut shell
under patterned fabric warm and soft
i remember how she taught me
to perfectly tuck them in
the way she did to help me sleep
every christmas eve when i was a kid
back when presents from the north pole
were the only thing i wanted
now i'd give every gift to get her back
from whatever realm she's haunting

this doesn't feel like christmas
or at least not to me
it's my eighth year without her here
but none have ever felt this empty
maybe that air condensed i thought was my breath
was her finally leaving me
'cause i know it's almost christmas
but there's just something
missing

so many friends come into town
for the holidays
but you can only say "it's been too long"
so many different ways
and there's this weird pervasive sadness
old traditions highlight what's changed
but i thought that childhood magic would always stay

but this doesn't feel like christmas
or at least not to me
the lights all seem a little less bright
and that bell no longer rings
in the past few years i've become a part
of so many new families
and i know it's almost christmas
but there's just something
missing

credits

released December 6, 2019

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loud letters St. Louis, Missouri

hi i'm austin and i make music in my bedroom

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